i love winter. i love the snow and the cold. i love the end of the year. because i love beginning a new one again. it always feels like this time when i can start every single plan and program and goal and accomplish all of my dreams. it’s a magical time when all that matters are the things that i start. and i can ignore the fact that i rarely follow through.
this year i’m hoping to post more. maybe differently than i did previously. because previously i’ve only written when i was in this pit and writing helped me express something and got me out. and it helped to work on a piece with more rhythm and intention to package a certain image or emotion or event. but i think happy times should be captured too. because people can identify with happy just as much as sad.
i’m hoping to capture as much as i can during my last semester at Harvard. because it’s not just the last semester. it’s a weird semester. i won’t have any real requirements. i won’t have any real commitments. and pretty much all of my closest friends have already graduated. a lot of me and God and me time i guess. Harvard has always been a place of loss for me. I constantly feel like i’m losing over there. this place where im not only losing against everyone else. but losing against myself. losing myself. for me, Harvard has been like sand in my hands. i have a hard time focusing on what i have because so much seems to be spilling through my fingers. and it has taken time to fully adjust and find the things i truly love there. on top of the fact that i feel like i don’t deserve to be there. that i (again) think too much and do too little. i paralyze myself.
i guess i want to share more of myself on this blog. i want to rediscover something that i feel like i lost. or maybe it’s that i want to develop something i feel building inside me and through my life. and probably most of all i just want to do something consistently.
i think a lot. i feel a lot more. i say a lot. and i do stuff too. but each year time keeps passing. and all i really remember are the pictures i have and the things i’ve written. so here’s to more memories. here’s to some pretty terrible writing (apologies to all who read along). here’s to more from Kira Shymn. A girl no one really knows, including herself. but still a part of me that wishes she could sing.