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took a break last week
came back home finally
so far just trying to prove that I act differently
I’m better, can’t you see
the real deal not so slim and no longer shady
this the new me

but I’m scared that truly
the better I wish to be fogs the worse that I am truly
shocked at how quickly
life here moved on without me
sometimes I say words and all I’m left with is frustratingly
annoyance and anger and me
trying to be better seemingly
just boiling my attitude with frustration and agony
because I thought I broke through depression
I thought I overcame fear
I thought I was ready to come home
so why is this home coming so empty
like I never left this childhood city
maybe I left for nothing really

right now my ears are straining pathetically
to hear you say that you’re proud of me
and that you love me dearly
that character develops over time
and the time I have left is plenty
and the time I spent was not wasted rashly
and together we’ll be fighting
praying and waiting for break through to
come find me

but I guess that’s for part 3

here for part 1

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when I write I rack my brain for my deepest thoughts
the profound kind that vibes in the bones
but most days life’s just blah
and all thought is a cheap sticker
there’s so many choices, they all look so promising
but once you peel it off to post it on
it’s like the sticky part dissolves and
now that sticker is basically just trash
but you move on pretty fast to the next thought, sticker, trash
that’s how I feel about most of life
we get some things done
we talk to some people
we think profoundly dumb thought, sticker, trash
but at the end of the day
at the end of life
does any of it matter at all

read this when you can’t do what is right
when you want to give in
when you choose surrender instead of fight
read this when all you do is lie
when you cancel all your plans
when you tell your friends you’re “sick” yet hope they take a second glance
read this when you’ve spent the whole day in bed
when the only food you’ve eaten is from the vending machine
when the only light source is from your computer screen
read this when you feel the unwashed grime on your face
when rotting becomes normal
when trash consumes your place
read this when you cry for the end, an escape away
when you’re paralyzed with fear
when you lie back down and pretend it can wait another day
read this when hope is a myth, future is too
when no one seems to be coming for you
read this when numbness kills every thought you ever had
when you’re unworthy of love, even unworthy of feeling this bad
read this when you know exactly what they’ll say
when you know what to do but you don’t anyway
read this and remember
this is not who you are
you are not defined by feelings
you are not defined by scars
you are undefined
not to be trapped in a box
not to be tortured by demons or by time that you lost
you are not alone
you are not alone
you are surrounded by love
feel the presence of the angels around and above
break the illusion of darkness
break the chains of lies and fear
and realize that the One you push away is so very near
because when all you wanted was a second glance
He sacrificed himself for your second, third, forth, millionth chance

read this kira
read this and know
that the good times will come, the bad times will go
but now is the time to get up
now is the time to take a shower
now is the time to start that paper
now is the time to go for a run
now is the time to apologize
now is the time to forgive, be free, have fun
not tomorrow
not yesterday
not when you feel like it
now is the time to fight against everything you think you can’t do
because at the end of the day
life is about more than just you
maybe life is about finding an answer to who
He is and who
you are and who
you are to Him because
you are not alone
you are not alone
now is the time
come home

 

~this poem still needs adjusting, took me so long to finally post this, but if I don’t post it now I never will. Might post another version in the future. Leave comments if you have any suggestions.

beaten badly, broken
habit of looking down
as if eyes were always meant to be glued to the ground

shoulders slumped, shivering
chilly, gaping hole
where pride was punched out – now there’s an empty soul

darkness darkness, dear
welcome back old friend
come bring the chains, bind motivation to the bed

nonsense numbing, nothing
ever forgotten, never free
inside dead indifference, outside laughs happily


what if the person in this piece is sitting next to you
she thinks she’s all alone, never knows what to do

what if it’s that guy who got everythin’ he need
but when the cutting started, only God saw him bleed

of course every story is different
i’m not trying to know it all
i only know how i felt with so many contacts but no one to call

brother sister, people
let’s fight against this pain
the one we often write about, but can never fully explain.

 

 

 

 

I’m trying really hard to let you into my life
You’re just too much discipline away
too many confessions
too much forgiveness
too much fakeness
and I hate fake.
I’m trying really hard to let you into my life
but this episode just came out
and I have a bunch of posts to glaze at
another assignment due
never enough time in the day.
Plus I already know you anyways.
I know your principles and your gist
I understand what would You do
but surprise, I’m going to try this other way today
you know, take a quick look around
I can always come back right?
So maybe.
I’ll just keep trying to let you into my life
while my life lets on without You.