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this sadness string
is broken in me
because every time i try to strum
it rings back empty
im collapsing, my inner conscious crinkles
under the weight of attacking pressure
and an uncontrollable lack of self discipline
what i want is not what i do
what i do is not what i want
who i desire is not here
who i am lies shattered there
i say you are everything
but everything has consumed me
i meta morph eyes under the black light
into a person you wouldn’t recognize
she stabs your back multiple times
she cares not about the boundaries wise
she only stumbles over her own two feet
past her own convictions
lost in between the black and white
never willing to return home
numb from the colorless existence
rotted three days in the belly of defeat

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climbed this touristy peak today
went alone, but left with old friends
I feel like I learned the meaning of soul friends
even though we were strangers before I sat next to you on that tram
we connected, we shared, we laughed, we prayed
like we were real friends
which got me thinking
that I’m so busy trying to fit in with my group of friends
that I never check to see if they are true friends
and don’t get me wrong I have great friends
I just never realized how much I compromise to be friends
because when your friends drink and you don’t
but then you start because they do
because when your friends are totally comfortable with sex
and you’re kinda curious, lonely, and confused
but also sure you don’t want to hook up with some rando
you end up with things you’re proud to tell but ashamed to admit
and when you go to church and invite them along
it’s awkward, it seems you are pretending to belong
because your friend has seen your absolute worst
but now you’re lifting hands while singing some Christian song
why should they pretend to be a goodie like you
at least their honest and proud of what they do
there’s so much compromise there
like I’m jumping fences between who I am and what I believe
because my friends have very different values from me
but today these people I met and traveled with
God fill my life with more people like these
who remind me of your glory
of your presence
of peace

5/25/2016

hello all.
i’m coming back.
get pumped. get excited. get HYPE.
because
you . haven’t . seen . anything . yet .

it’s 12:23 am on m a y f i r s t .
month of may. is my new beginning.
because
im searching. he keeps telling me to stay here. and i keep running away
so im wrestling.

it’s going to be song sharing. poem writing. bible reading. prayers written.
it’s going to be random.
but above all
it will be raw
it will be honest
it will be true

i’m not going to be afraid to post multiple times in one day (i’ve always been afraid of that…)
im not going to be afraid of when i finally publicly associate this blog on my real life facebook / social media and people finally read through all my words. not going to be afraid of the backlash.

this is an outlet i have not used to it’s full potential.

which is why
i’m coming back
IM COMING BACK

~end trailer

lost ~
i feel like you’re the one
you’re supposed to be in my life
i’ve been searching for someone like you
but why can’t he just be you
i tried letting go
that’s why i ignored you each time
but you’re creeping back in
seeping into my mind
so do i let you overtake my fantasies
glimmering with the slightest hope of a distant reality
or do i shut the door
in my face and yours
because you’re the road
i can’t afford
to lose
myself
while pining for
~ you

something’s brewing
changing colors to new
tingling out the green
blossoming into orange, red, yellow hues
im shivering
these goosebump condensation rumps
forming, flying up my arms
im far from dying
im first world surviving
the reality equivalent of thriving
excavated
a fragmented skull bone
of who i are
meaning the tiniest essence of who i can be
keeps encountering me
destroying me mentally
exhausting me intimately
construed to believe i was built for greatness
or didn’t i build myself to this great hit?
yet while in the pits of lions
with everything stripped naked
i realize everything i had was a gift
and that i was built to reflect greatness
and that in the midst of struggle
i can choose to exude
a trusting patience
endless graces
i am left undone

©Kira Shymn

a new series ~ of writings i start but never finish. those that are left unwritten.

im floating away
to nowhere
unseen
im lost inside
these worldly memories
defined by previous
inconsistencies
carved immovable
my past lies
lifeless
irredeemable
half complete

pink bleak aura
daily she sings
remind me blessing
of paradoxical things
roaming find lonely
ignore console friend
destitute room mating
(with the)
ever dreaded end
stuffed objective treasures
provoking loved endeavors
such useless objects
such meaningless dreams
throat scratched chokes
over thrown truth
tonight she dies
tomorrow she cries
yesterday she emerged
brand spanking new